Availability vs. Effectiveness: Why Saying Yes to Everyone Is Silently Costing You

Being needed feels like leadership. It's not; it's people pleasing with a title. 

In this episode, I'm joined by two of the most important women in my life, my daughter Caroline and daughter-in-law Emma, to unpack the tension every leader feels but rarely names: when showing up for everyone means you're truly present for no one. 

We get into the hidden cost of a packed calendar, why the loudest voice in the room is rarely the most important one, and the one question every leader needs to ask before filling a seat, taking a meeting, or answering a fire.
⸻
⏱️ Episode Highlights
[01:38] – Welcome to Arc Two: Identity was the foundation. Now the tensions shift to execution, and availability is the first to hit.
[03:35] – The Packed Calendar: Preston asked for a full calendar early in his career. He got one and then had no time for his own team.
[04:36] – The Steve Hire: One bad yes consumed 80% of his time across 18 markets.
[07:05] – Meet Caroline and Emma: A corporate leader in New York and a biotech consultant in Atlanta, and two of the most important women in Preston's life.
[08:51] – Present in Body, Gone in Mind: Emma's story of managing two large accounts while showing up to one-on-ones completely elsewhere.
[11:16] – Accessible vs. Afraid to Say No: Caroline on how the best leaders communicate exactly when and how to reach them, and why that's a boundary, not a wall.
[16:49] – "Clear is Kind": Why communicating your limits is one of the kindest things you can do for your team.
[19:28] – The Hardest No: Caroline on the hidden cost of over-committing at work, and what it quietly takes from the people waiting at home.
[21:42] – Mary and Martha: The oldest availability trap in Scripture,  and why being busy was never the same as being present.
⸻
Links & Resources Mentioned
• Discipled Leader Apprenticeship — prestonpoore.com 
• Discipled Leader Book — prestonpoore.com/books-by-preston 
• How is Greater Than What Book — prestonpoore.com/book 
• About Preston — prestonpoore.com/about-preston_poore
_________________________

Connect With Me
LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/prestonpoore 
Facebook: facebook.com/PoorePreston 
Instagram: instagram.com/prestonpoore1
⸻
Closing Thoughts
If today's episode hit home, share it with someone who needs to hear it. Like it, comment, leave a review, it helps more people find the show, and quite honestly, it reminds me I'm not just talking to myself in here.
Peace out. Be a rock star.

About Preston Poore

Preston Poore is a former Coca-Cola executive who practices what he preaches. He uses his wealth of hard-earned experience in the corporate arena to help emerging leaders and millennials reach their potential—all while staying true to his values, purpose, and goals.

Preston is a Certified Maxwell Leadership Team Keynote Speaker, Facilitator, Trainer, and Executive Coach. Through his books, How Is Greater Than What, Discipled Leader (2022 Selah Awards Nonfiction Book of the Year) and 21 Days to Sound Decision Making, his blog, and podcast, he seeks to help people become redemptive influences in their workplaces and live more fulfilling lives.

Learn more about Preston Poore & Associates: https://prestonpoore.com

Work with Preston or invite him to speak: https://prestonpoore.com/leadership-development-services/

Sign up to receive the P³ Newsletter: https://mailchi.mp/prestonpoore.com/thepulse

LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/prestonpoore/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/prestonpoore1/
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/PoorePreston

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

I felt like I was multitasking and I was just not even present at all for those conversations.

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Availability is not the measure of a leader. Effectiveness is. Because availability without boundaries isn't generosity. It's a trap.

SPEAKER_01 0:13

The more you can communicate effectively on your priorities, that is kind for everyone to hear and then get rowing in the same direction.

SPEAKER_00 0:23

Being needed feels like leadership. And it's not. It's people pleasing with a title. I needed someone in a seat. Two weeks. That was it. Two weeks to fill a role that should have taken two months to recruit. I had a candidate. Let's call him Steve. My boss told me not to hire. My peers told me not to hire. Three separate people pulled me aside and said some version of the same thing. This isn't the right guy. I hired him anyway. Because I was available, I was responsive, and I was solving the problem. And I told myself, that's what good leaders do. They don't leave seats empty, they act, they move, they fix things. What I didn't realize was that by saying yes to one person, I was about to say no to ten. If you've ever been so focused on being available that you forgot to be effective, this one's for you. I spent 30 years in corporate leadership making every mistake in the book, some of them twice. I'm Preston Poor, and if you're a leader who's ever felt in over your head but too proud to say it, you're in the right place. This is PQ. Welcome. This is where Arc 2 begins. So let me set the frame. Arc 1 was about identity. Who you are when the title changes, who you are when the pressure mounts, who you are when the mask comes off, and who you are when you finally see what you've become. But here's where I've learned knowing who you are doesn't automatically teach you how to lead. Identity is the foundation, execution is the building. Arc 2 is about the pressures that hit once you're in the chair. The demands, the pace, the wait. The moments when you know the right thing to do, but the urgent thing won't stop screaming. Four episodes, four tangents every leader feels but rarely names out loud. And the first one? Well, it's the one that got me the most in trouble than any of the others. Episode five. Always on. Availability versus effectiveness. Every leader has heard some version of this. Be accessible. Have an open door. Be responsive. Show your team that you're there for them. And that's not wrong until it is. Because availability without boundaries isn't generosity. It's a trap. You spend your day answering everyone else's urgent and never get to your own importance. You confuse being busy with being useful. You confuse being needed with being effective. Availability asks who needs me right now. Effectiveness asks where do I create the most value? And those two questions will take you to very different places on your calendar. And here's the hardest part of this attention. The wrong choice feels like the right saying yes to everything feels like leadership. It's not. It's people pleasing with a title. Looking back on how I handled the demands of leadership, I exercised some poor judgment. Early in my career, I told my team I wanted my calendar full. I thought a packed calendar meant that I was important. Well, they delivered, wall to wall, every day. And then they needed me for something, and I had to say, I don't have time for my own team. I asked for a full calendar and I got one. Congratulations, me. I was in every meeting, on every call, CC'd on every email. I was the most available leader in the building, and the least available to the people who actually reported to me. My team had better access to me through Outlook than in person. They literally had to schedule time with a guy who sat 30 feet away. The squeaky wheels got my time. The fires got my attention. The loudest problems got my best energy. My top performers, they were quiet. They were handling it. So I left them alone. Turns out, no news is good news, is a terrible readership strategy. You heard how it started. Now here's the whole thing. What I had was an opening. One role to work with an influential baller. The seat had been empty too long and the clock was ticking. So I gave myself a window. Two weeks to fill it. And I had a candidate. I told Jan Colin Christie. My boss said, Don't hire this person. Colleagues who had worked with him said he wasn't the right fit. Three separate people pulled me aside. I heard every one of them. And I hired Steve anyway. Because the city was empty and the pressure was real. But here's what one bad guess caused. Within weeks, Steve needed constant oversight, coaching, correction, and conflict management. And 80% of my time went to one person. And because of the attention I gave the new hire, I had to ignore everyone else. The other ten team members across 18 markets, they got whatever was left, which wasn't that much. And here's the part nobody warned me about. The team didn't just lose my attention. They lost momentum. Morale dropped. Performance slipped. Not because they weren't capable, but because the leader who was supposed to be developing them was consumed by a problem that he created. Availability one became the neglect of many. It ended the way these things usually end. Steve was placed on a performance plane and he exited the organization. The role got filled again, but the damage to the team took a lot longer to repair than the empty seat ever would have. I thought I was being decisive. I thought I was being available. What I was really doing was confusing being available with being effective. And ten people a fur. Most leaders I know go to church on Sunday and show up on Monday like they've never heard a word of it. I was one of them. The Discipled Leader Apprenticeship exists to close that gap. One-on-one discipleship that shapes how you actually lead, not just what you believe. If you're tired of living two separate lives, visit PrestonPoor.com. Hey, I've got two of my favorite and most important women in my life on. And I want to share an interview with you that we're going to do here in a moment, but I want to give them a chance to introduce themselves. So I'm going to start first with Caroline. How about introducing yourselves to PCubed?

SPEAKER_01 7:06

Sure. Well, thanks for having me on. I'm Caroline George. I live in New York City. I have spent the last 10 years in corporate America in consumer packaging, consumer goods, and then now in commercial real estate technology. I live in New York City with my husband and my almost one-year-old daughter. And those roles are important. But I also have fun roles here on the call today or on the podcast today. I'm with whom I am a daughter to. So I'm with my dad and a sister-in-law too with Emma. So this is fun.

SPEAKER_00 7:42

Yeah, this is awesome. Yeah. Thanks for being here. I'm so excited about this. Emma, how about you? Why don't you go ahead and introduce yourself?

SPEAKER_02 7:47

Hello, I am Emma. I'm also based in Atlanta, Georgia. I ironically, I went to Georgia Tech and was going to join a big consulting firm in New York. So I could have been there with Caroline, but COVID happened. So I ended up just being a little bit of a nomad and living in some various places, which was really fun. But I spent my past four years of my career in biotech consulting, working with emerging biotechs, helping them getting ready for the clinic for the first time. I managed multiple accounts now at this point, and it's been really fulfilling work that I enjoy. And I'm very excited to be here today.

SPEAKER_00 8:18

Yeah, it's so great to have you both. And so let's just dive into the interview real quick here. And uh, Emma, I think I'm gonna start with you. Uh and so the question, we're talking again about availability versus effectiveness and getting your perspective on that. And uh when folks come into new roles, sometimes uh they're asked to do a lot of things sometimes, uh, and you have to kind of figure out your way about what you can say yes to and no to and all that. But uh uh tell me about a season when you were available to everyone, but effective for almost no one. What did that look like for you on the inside?

SPEAKER_02 8:51

Um, this was actually something I recently experienced for the first time. It was pri like this past fall, I was managing two very large accounts, which was very exciting. And there's a lot of exciting momentum happening, and I had new responsibilities, new team members to manage, but I quickly realized my calendar was completely packed. And I would have one-on-ones with direct reports, and I felt like I was multitasking and I was just not even present at all for those conversations, which started to make me realize what does that mean for that person? How am I supposed to grow a team and start to delegate different activities and expand my own bandwidth and opportunity for my teams if I'm unable to even invest in passing it on and I'm constantly thinking about what's next or what's the farmer that I'm dealing with right now. Um, and also just like as you grow into different management roles and you're you want to be a mentor and a leader for your team, what does that mean for my direct report when they can very clearly tell that I'm I'm multitasking or I'm thinking through something else and they're talking to me? And I'd I fit on the other side of that. And that makes you feel like not valued and disengaged and not wanting to kind of invest and step into that role. So it's definitely a lesson I've learned of how can I make sure that I'm present whenever I'm saying yes to things, I'm committing to things. I'm fully going to be 100% there and not trying to split myself because you're not effective when you're split halfway and you might think that you're being super productive and checking off all the different things in your boxes, but you're actually causing more distraction for yourself and it can let things fall through the cracks.

SPEAKER_00 10:15

So wise, Emma. That's really good. So can you think of a time where you actually had to you you realized that and all of a sudden you had to turn the light switch and say, Yeah, whoop, I can't do this. I've got to be present. Do you recall that and what that might be? And how did that feel once you got on the other side of that? Probably not only for you, but for the person or whoever you were dealing with on that.

SPEAKER_02 10:31

Yeah, I think there's definitely been some times when I've said yes to two things at the same time and then they've hit, and I fully have to take accountability for it being the person that I committed to that and I said yes. And I thought I was being hyper-effective, but I actually was I failed in both cases. Um and looking on the other side of that, it was just really disengaging for the rest of my team to be almost split between two places and not able to fully commit to one. Um, and that was a tough lesson to learn.

SPEAKER_00 10:58

Yeah, so so hard. Uh well, let me, I'm gonna move over to Caroline real quick and let's go to the next question and see uh your thoughts, Caroline, on this. Uh, how do you know the difference between a leader who's truly accessible and one who's just afraid to say no? Is there a way to tell at all?

SPEAKER_01 11:16

Yeah, I think I've had a lot of good examples of leaders. I've had some uh examples of leaders in my career that were learning along the way too. Um, but one of my favorite tells of someone who is clear on their priorities uh is someone who tells you when to communicate with them and how to communicate with them. And so I was on a project uh early on in my career, and uh I was a small little pawn, a part of this huge spend, like a a big um, I you can just I'll just say it, two golden marches, you know, uh that was a big client to be working with.

SPEAKER_00 11:54

Give it away, why not?

SPEAKER_01 11:55

Yeah, there um there were lots of eyes on a project. And so I had a lot of fear of failing. Um and you're also working with people that are high up in your organization. So you want to communicate correctly. Um, and and this man looked at me and he said, Hey, uh, if situation X, Y, and Z happens, text me as soon as you hear about it. So I knew the scenarios to be looking for and how to get a hold of him. Um and that allowed him then to be scanning different mediums of communication, email, Teams chats, his own phone, and understand uh when he needed uh to respond to something that was both urgent and important. And so um I have asked that since to some of my leaders more recently and gotten similar responses, uh, both for bad situations and for good things that they want to be aware of. And I think that helps everyone involved to go from the uh, hey, I'm available because you are communicating that you can get a hold of me. Uh, but for the most important things, uh, you know, outlining those items, uh, again, good and bad, is is a really good tell for me on someone who is not afraid to say no to certain items, um, but that is going to remain available for the right situations.

SPEAKER_00 13:12

Yeah, that's good. That's it's so setting a boundary basically is what they're doing in that, right? And uh and then filtering through what they can and what and what they won't do. Um, so imagine yourself uh in the corporate world, let's just say five years from now. How would you implement that then, working with the team?

SPEAKER_01 13:30

Certainly. Um, I would hope that I would do the same thing. But you know, I being a new mom uh and a working mom, you can translate a lot of how you communicate in your household to how you would want to communicate with your team. Uh so an example, when my husband texts me in the middle of a call, I will look down at my phone, right? If I have three direct reports, but we have a lot of internal customers, 30 or so that we interact with on a day-to-day basis. And that's only internal. So think about your external customers as well. Um, I am a text person. So I would, I would really prefer for those direct reports to just text me uh outright for, again, a list of priorities that we had outlined together that are worth kind of that level of communication quickly.

SPEAKER_00 14:20

Yeah. Yeah. So so good on that. Great. Hey, Caroline, how would you answer that question? What's the hardest no that you ever had to give? And what did it cost you in the short term versus what you gained in the long term?

SPEAKER_01 14:30

It's a good question. Ums are really hard for me, similar to what I'm hearing on our discussion uh so far, is that we have some people pleaser tendencies uh that we have to get rid of. Uh no's on not making deadlines, no's on not being able to take on projects. I have said both of those, and they're very disheartening, especially if you're excited about a project or you have a lot of respect for a client that you're not going to be able to deliver on time for. Um but the real hardest and most wrong note, in my opinion, is when I've misprioritized my energy, um, my mental and my emotional energy, uh, too much for a certain group of people where the return isn't uh I'll even say eternal, maybe. Uh so at work, a lot of times when I'm overwhelmed and I have made my calendar too packed, I've said yes to too many things. Um, I in turn say no uh in my kind of attitude and how I might treat my husband at home because I'm spent in another direction. And so we all are human, we all have only a certain amount of hours in the day. I would argue that some people prioritize a little bit better than others. Um, but that is my aim so that uh to prioritize much better so that I understand not only a to-do list of things that need to get done to move the needle forward, but also um my own capacity. Like I can only serve X amount of people in a 24-hour day. And so I need to have my priorities clear on who those people are at work and at home.

SPEAKER_00 16:10

Yeah. Oh, wow. So good. I can tell you, I remember moving from one job to another once at the Coca-Cola Company. Uh, I was in franchise leadership and I was leading all kinds of different teams under one manager. And then I moved organizations and the new manager sat me down. He said, Okay, Preston, I want you to tell me everything you got going on. And I had a list, a long list of things. And he looked up at me and goes, Preston. And it was just maybe after a uh 10-second pause, and he just shook his head. He goes, He goes, You're doing the work of three people. Did you know that? Well, part of that was the assignments I was getting, but part of me was being the people pleaser that I wouldn't say no, and it drove me nuts. Uh, and it burned me out. So, yeah, I totally get it for you on that as well. So I share that with you. Hey, Caroline, let's uh let's move into this then. For the leader who's drowning in demands but feels guilty about setting boundaries, what would you tell them? It's a little bit of an extension of our conversation we're having here. But for the leader who's drowning in demands but feels guilty about setting boundaries, what would you tell them?

SPEAKER_01 17:11

I would hope that this phrase offers a little bit of freedom to that leader. Um, but I really like the phrase that clear is kind and kind is clear. And so uh the more you can communicate effectively on your priorities and what exactly you and your team need to get done, uh, that is kind for everyone uh to hear and understand and then get rowing in the same direction. Um, so I think communication is the biggest part of that. Uh, make your boundaries and then communicating them clearly actually is one of the kindest things that you can do uh for your team.

SPEAKER_00 17:48

That's so good. Yeah, my friends at Chick-fil-A say the same thing. I've heard them say that that uh true at Kathy and some other people in the organization taught that about the clarity and the kindness and how that works. Great principle to live by. Emma, how would you answer that question for the leader who's drowning in demands but feels guilty about setting boundaries? What would you tell them?

SPEAKER_02 18:05

I would say that I think actually setting boundaries creates more clarity for your team, to Carolyn's point. I I think that if you set those boundaries and those expectations with the rest of your team, it honestly creates more of an expectation for what you understand. And I definitely am leaning in heavier with some of my direct reports that I'm now managing and mentoring, like asking them like, what is going on in your personal life? And how can we make sure that I'm aware of like you can say no to this? Like if you are drowning in other expectations, tell me no that you can't handle this additional ask because I don't want to be the thing that sets you over the edge. And trying to exemplify that going upwards as well, because I think taking on too much and being an absent leader is honestly a bit of a neglectful leader because you're almost taking on too much and then your team's depending on you. And it definitely is a bit, I think coming from the other side, a disheartening feeling if you have a leader that you feel like is not fully invested in you or your team. So I think by again taking on too much, you can actually do more harm in what you think might be good. And I think that as a society, we're just so fixated on being busy and we almost like compete about how busy our calendars are and how many meetings we have. And it's almost like you feel productive by having so much on your plate. But I think at the same time, doing less is actually far more beneficial for your growth and your team. And it's okay to have pockets in your calendar because how else are you gonna get things done? It's gonna fall through the cracks.

SPEAKER_00 19:21

Oh, yeah. I think that's a thank you. That's a that's uh close to a perfect wrap uh because that's how I open the podcast is talking about what you just mentioned there. So on it. And that's the idea of uh uh availability versus effectiveness, is just one that we all deal with. We gotta figure out how to do it, do it well, and figure out where we add value, not what I'm busy doing and appearing and all that. Both of you, just thank you for your insights. It's just fun as a dad and a father-in-law to sit and back and just watch YouTube blossom in your careers and what you're doing. And these are valuable lessons, and I'm thankful that you're learning them now because I didn't learn them until I was 50 plus. So it's a good thing. So take take that uh uh as a good thing for both of you. Uh and I really appreciate both of you being on PCUB today and uh talking about this idea of availability versus effectiveness.

SPEAKER_01 20:10

It's a joy. Thanks for having us.

SPEAKER_00 20:12

Uh Caroline and Emma, thank you both. Here's what keeps coming back to me as I listen to you. The leaders who stop being effective aren't the ones who care too little. They're the ones who try to be available to everyone. And there's a story in scripture about exactly that. There's a moment in Luke, chapter 10, I keep coming back to where Jesus shows up at the home of two sisters, Martha and Mary. Martha was a leader. Let's give her that. She saw what needed to be done. She organized and she served and she moved. And when Jesus arrived, she did exactly what a responsible leader does. She went to work. Dared her prepare, yesterday to host her details to manage. She was available, and she was responsive. She was doing everything. And her sister Mary? Well, she was sitting at Jesus' feet, doing nothing. At least that is what Martha thought. So Martha goes to Jesus and says, Essentially, tell her to help me. I'm doing all the work. And Jesus says something that stops every overextended leader in their tracks. Martha, Martha, you're worried and upset about many things. But few things are needed, or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her. Martha wasn't wrong for her serving. She was wrong for believing that being busy was the same as being present. And that's the trap. You can be available to every demand and miss the one thing that actually matters. Mary wasn't lazy, she was focused. She chose the better part because she understood that being available to every demand is not the same as being present for the one that matters. So here's the invitation today not to stop serving, not to close the door, but to ask. Ask God which door to walk through and which ones to leave shut because you cannot do everything and do anything well. So what do you do with all this? I'm not gonna leave you sitting in the tension. Three things. I wish someone had said them to me before I gave one person my whole calendar and let ten people in the dark. Number one, being needed is not the same as being effective. For years I measured myself by how many people needed me. Full inbox, open door, in every meeting, CC'd on everything. And I felt important because I was wanted everywhere at once. Here's the trap. Being needed feels like leadership. And it's not. It's people pleasing with a title. The question I was asking was, who needs me right now? The question I should have been asking was, where do I actually make the difference? Those two questions live on completely separate calendars. Availability is not the measure of a leader, effectiveness is. And the two will rarely send you to the same place. Number two, the loudest voice is rarely the most important one. The squeaking wheels got my time. The fires got my attention. The loudest problem in the building got my best energy every single day. And my best people? They were quiet. They were handling it. They were carrying the territory without making a sound. So I left them alone. I told myself no news was good news. And no news is not good news. No news usually means you stop paying attention. I came by best to my loudest, and my best people got my leftovers. And that's exactly backups. The people running hard for you earned your investment, not your scraps. If the only people getting your time are the ones making noise, you're not leading the team. You're just answering the loudest one in the room. And number three, one wrong, yes, can cost you 10 rights. You heard the story. I need to get someone in a seat in two weeks. My boss told me not to hire it. My peers told me not to hire it. Three separate people pulled me aside and said the same thing. But I hired Steve anyway because the seat was empty and I wanted to look decisive. That one yes turned into 80% my time. Coaching, correcting, cleaning up. And while I poured everything into that one person, I never should have said yes to, ten people across 18 markets got what was left over. And that wasn't much. Here's what nobody tells you about a bad yes. You don't feel the cost when you say it. You feel it for the months afterwards, and the people who quietly pay for it. I thought I was saying yes to one person. I was saying no to 10 without realizing it. So before you fill the seat, you answer the call, you take the meeting, you solve the fire, ask yourself the only question that matters. Not can I, but who pays for it if I do? Availability isn't the measure of a great reader. Effectiveness is. And sometimes the most effective thing that you can do is close the door, open your Bible, and ask God which fire actually needs your attention. So you started saying no to the wrong thing. You started guarding your time. You're being intentional about where you show up. But here's what happens next. You fill the calendar with all the right stuff. You're doing more, you're working harder, you're checking boxes, and at the end of the day, you're exhausted. But you can't point to a single thing that moved. That's the next tension. Episode six. I'm busy all day, but not moving anything forward. Activity versus progress. See you there. Well, that's a wrap. Thanks for spending part of your day with me, and I know your time is valuable and your to-do list is long. If this was helpful, share it with someone else who needs it. Like it, comment, leave a review. It helps more people find the show, and quite honestly, it makes me feel like I'm not just talking to myself in here. And if today's tension, hit home, maybe a little too close to home, and if you're tired of being one person on Sunday and someone else on Monday, check out the Disciple Leader Apprenticeship at PrestonCore.com. Ten weeks, one hour a week, one conversation at a time, no slides, no lectures, just real talk. And find me on LinkedIn, Facebook, or Instagram. Peace out for your rockstar.